Having Faith ~

Don't Ask Why

. . . after my Centronuclear Myopathy diagnosis a few years ago we decided to sell the business and move south for a warmer climate. I went thru many days of "why me" and even thought maybe I was being "punished" for bad choices I made in my past. Then, with much prayer and reflection I understood that wasn't the case. Why me? --- "why NOT me". Why should MY life be easier than anyone else's? I tell myself every day - WE ALL HAVE SOMETHING - and it helps me. Of course, my Mom ... as well as my husband helped me through the difficult days after the initial diagnosis. I had several doctors tell me that my future is very uncertain. I had many tests, painful ones ... and MRI's to contrast from one year to the next which showed progression of my muscle detioration. Doctors were negative when I tried to stay positive. I decided to try not to worry what 20 years from now will mean for me and focus on TODAY. What good would it do me to stop living and freeze my life for the "what if's" of having a muscle disease? Afterall, my heart and lungs are still good ... so I am good!

Dennis lives with MS, so he knew what I was going thru. He was in a wheelchair and at one point in his life all alone in a nursing home for many months. He had no control over his body and needed help for even the most basic daily tasks. When we met he walked with a cain and was working at a gym helping other people better themselves. He is so giving, and so strong. Even still, he has many "bad days" (one's that I do not choose to blog about) whenever he over-exerts himself from working out too much or from a long busy day at the beach. A busy, tiring day for him means that the next day he will most likely be in bed all day. We don't let people "in" to this part of our lives because we want to stay positive and focused on the good things.

My wonderful husband is probably the ONLY person who really understands how I feel and what I live with. People say "you look ok" all the time, and sometimes don't understand why we can't do as many things as we wish we could. In the past, it's been hard knowing that we've disappointed others because we don't have the stamina we truly wish we did. As with any illness, we have good days and bad. With both of us sick it's hard sometimes, and we have to focus our energy on our children and keep life as stress-free as possible. I have times when I feel weak, and the pain I live with doesn't go away BUT ... the mind is a powerful thing and I do believe that we can overcome anything if we TRULY believe that we can. I am not my illness, and I am strong enough to heal myself if that is God's will. This is what I believe.

Writing has always helps. None of us know what the future holds and there are no guarantees. What we make of life is what matters the most. I do know that I want to live with love and respect towards others, I want to be the best wife and mother that I can be, and I want to truly listen to what God wants me to do. It's been an awakening for me to receive this diagnosis, one that can't be explained in words. It has made me really value life and appreciate what I have. No matter what heppens next ... I am ok. I am happy, and I have peace. I have learned, the small stuff doesn't matter - not at all. We can only control so much ... the rest is up to God and we just have to trust in that. It's a choice. http://www.centronuclear.org.uk/cnmtonimike2006.htm

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We all have something to be grateful for today

Today I can lament over all that my parents didn't give me when I was growing up or....I can feel grateful that they allowed me to be born. Today I can cry because roses have thorns or...I can celebrate that thorns have roses. Today I can mourn my lack of friends or...I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships. Today I can whine because I have to go to work or...I can shout for joy because I have a job to do. Today I can complain because I have to go to school or ... eagerly open my mind and fill it with rich new tidbits of knowledge. Today I can murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework or ...I can appreciate that I have a place to call home. Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped.And here am I, the sculptor who gets to do the shaping. What today will be like is up to me. I get to choose what kind of day I will have!I choose to have a fantastic day! For myself, and for you!

~ anonymous

*** Day #1 .... What a special day this is for us! ***

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Life's Many Little Lessons

(This was sent to me from my friend Faith)

Everything Happens For A Reason..................Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there.....to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or help figure out who you are, or who you want to become.You never know who these people may be, but when you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.And sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, will power, or heart.Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. Safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you experience can create who you are, and the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart to.If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and open your heart and eyes to little things.Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again.Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen.Let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you. Create your own life and then go out and live it.

Author Unknown.

Joshua, you are the sweetest little man I have ever met. You, coming into my life made me grow up and also learn so much about life. I am beyond thrilled to be YOUR Mommy, and I strive to make you proud too. I love you more than I could ever put into words. You make me so happy, and I am honored to have you as my son.

I know you always like to read our blog ... so read this today and know that on this day as on everyday ... I love you dearly! Love, Mommy.